Your tits are I can't wait for
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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