I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
