My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
