Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
