New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
