New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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