so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
