I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
