remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
