You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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