Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
