shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
