I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I forget how to act sober
Randomize