oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
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