i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
