I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
