He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
