I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
