We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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