I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
