I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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