there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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