someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
