Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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