You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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