Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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