We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
