just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
