chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Boobs speak an international language.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
