I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
