and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
