glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
