maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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