Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
