I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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