someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
