I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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