So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
