I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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