maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
