"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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