nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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