it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
