My liver just broke up with me...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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