Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Enjoy the penises
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
