You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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