he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
