Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
