my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
That's when you crack a 10am beer
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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