my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am midnight drunk by noon
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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