i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
