This is not my ceiling
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
