i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
